I welcome visitors onto my fantastic boat! However, there are a few considerations worth reviewing before you visit:

I must know you (and like you). If I don’t like you, you may find that I am putting you off because of “weather”.

You must understand that I can give you no more than TWO WEEKS’ NOTICE regarding what airport you should fly into. This is because the weather and my own whims dictate where I am at any one moment. It is best that you are prepared to stay at a hotel in case I cannot show up to meet you right away.

If you are prone to seasickness, tell me beforehand and bring tablets\patches\etc

If you plan on staying long enough to have to do a load of laundry, please bring only fancy underwear. We hang things out to dry and this is a fancy boat, after all.

Bring at least two swimsuits if you like to wear them while swimming. Saltwater is disgusting.

A collapsible, easy-to-stow duffel-type suitcase is preferable to a big, hard-sided one unless you have an odd fetish for having Samsonite in your bed.

Be prepared for me to ask you to fill an entire suitcase with items that I have ordered from Amazon. Yes, you are my mule.

Please state food preferences beforehand. That way I can tell those who state: “organic only, no GMO, vegan, must have fresh bread everyday” to just stay home. Oh wait, we probably aren’t friends anyway. Nevermind.

You will have a better time if you like watching Game of Thrones series DVD’s. Because that’s all the TV you will get.

An example of a good host gift is wine, rum or tequila. A bad host gift is a giant glass vase.

Cocktail hour begins at sundown, and dinner is usually at 8. This means the cook has left a big mess for someone else to clean up.

It helps if you can cook. You will realize this after about three days of Mark’s cooking. I am open to suggestions/help.

If you are handy, you may be asked to help fix things. A boat always has things that need fixing. You might be asked to bring some wire.

When in town, do not mention that you are staying on a boat. You will not be able to leave until you have been questioned by incredulous landlubbers for twenty minutes. I find the statement, “Gotta get back to purge the bilge!” usually ends the conversation.

If we are in a marina, don’t expect to swim off of the boat unless you like poop.

Still able to visit? Contact us the way you know how. After all, we’re friends!

(shamelessly stolen and edited, sadly I can’t remember where from, if you are the original author message me and I will change it completely or credit you)